A broken heart.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

My wonderful, kind-hearted, beautiful Nanna passed away on Sunday 18th August.

My Dad phoned me at 8:15 on Sunday morning to deliver this horrible news. For a couple of hours, I was OK. I realise now that this was shock, as her death was so sudden and unexpected.

I've gone through varying stages of grief. Sunday afternoon I was inconsolable.

Yesterday while at my granddads I was the rallier and the organiser.

I kept all the visitors there fed and watered throughout the day, listened to those that wanted to talk about her, distracted those that weren't ready to yet. I maintained an air of calm and reasoning. I force-fed Granddad some dinner, as he hadn't eaten since Saturday and was looking grey and weak. I talked about funeral plans with him, what he wanted, what she wanted.

Today...today I feel desperately sad. Numb, My head is all over the place and I just want to run away. I feel so tired, I don't want to be at work, I don't want to think, I just want to go to sleep and make the sadness and hurt go away.

It'll pass, I know it will, but right now my heart is breaking for my Dad, who has just lost his mother. My Granddad, who has lost his wife and best-friend of 55 years. My brother, who is grieving but also getting married on Friday, so is looking forward to that. I know he feels guilty for being excited about his wedding.

And my heart is breaking for me, because I am going to miss her terribly.

Love you always Nanna.


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